Being Good isn't enough, and isn't as much fun as being bad, but neither satisfy

I used to have this strong drive inside and believed that sexuality, casual sex, drinking and such like would lead to the peace I needed. I didn’t know why I felt this way, but the feelings were very strong. It drove me on and on no matter what. I thought there was more to life but couldn't find it. Finally I dropped into a hole so deep I didn't think I would ever come out.

Growing up I also felt I was the good child and that I was better than everyone else. I looked down on everyone else, but inside my imperfections tore at me, and I still wasn't good enough. It was slowly driving me crazy. Finally, I realized I was no different than everyone else. I was alone inside and there was no way I could be who I wanted to be. Even being good wouldn’t do it.

Finally someone explained something important to me from the Bible. I never realized that the Bible said that none of us are as good as we should be, and none of us meets our own personal standards. Somehow there is still a hole deep inside of each of us, a black spot from which it seems we will never be able to escape. Instead, we retreat deep inside, becoming neurotic, worrying, and trying to escape from ourselves.

God has given us the truth about ourselves and about him, but instead, in our retreat from ourselves, we forget the truth that is revealed in nature and lose ourselves in idols of self, things, materialism and hedonism. It’s a circular trap from which we cannot escape on our own.

Since we cannot escape on our own, there is only one way of escape, Jesus Christ, the one way. We must trust him to bring us out of this dilemma and into his light. We must accept that Jesus, through his sacrifice on the cross, can bring the gap between who we are and who we should be. Who we should be is like Jesus, for Jesus is the only prophet who is identical to his message.

Somehow, God gives us the HOPE to reconcile the desires of our "dark side" with the light. Somehow, when we come to Jesus, he enables us to have the desires of our hearts. The things that we had wanted in a dark and twisted way somehow are transformed. JOY comes! Life is no longer a bifurcation between goodness and badness.