Why I blog....

As I observe the world around me it is as if I am part of a living symphony of life. Experiencing the world takes the ordinary and turns it into the extraordinary. Experiencing the world makes me think of flowers, mountains, streams and forests – in short, things of beauty. But the world is more than just beauty. There is also its other – hate, sadness, cruelty, and distrust, to name a few.
I’ve lived both sides, from yoy and sorrow to love and hate. For me, life without beauty becomes a dreary intellectual experience. Bubbling up beyond the descriptions of beauty, joy, and even of hate, is a deep need within me to write, to be creative, to express myself, and yes, even to become famous. I love to think and talk of immaterial beauty, joy and love.
During many of the tough times of my life I’ve hidden under the veneer of the scientist and forgotten my love of art, beauty and of everything that makes humanity human. It used to be that the hiding from the essence of life would drive me into a cave of disbelief in even the existence of God, and of anger at God, if he dared to exist. As I hid from life and felt separation and anger at the world, I withdrew into hatred of men, depression as a lifestyle and a lack of trust in myself and others. Self confidence plummeted.
The deepest cave I ever retreated into was the cave I went into after I was date raped. I started to barely see the sun 8 months later when I decided to give up my anger and trust others and even to dare trust that a God could be there and wasn’t just a sadistic monster. But still I was stuck in the depths of darkness as I tried to live a life pleasing to God, but somehow every attempted backfired. Three years later, I went to seminary out of a profound desperation. During that time, it was as if someone was saying to me, “An unexamined life is a dangerous life. You don’t know why you are doing what you are doing.” I leave you with the challenge of examining your belief, or lack of belief, in God, yourself, and others. It may be leading you down a garden path other than the path to happiness, life, love and true living.