When our son was dying our pastor said that God could heal him, and that his grandson had sat in that same place, dying, and somehow had not died. So why didn't God heal little Jed? I don't know why God didn't heal Jed, but I do know that it is okay to be angry with God. I know it is okay to feel anger and that I have some unreleased anger that I need to release. I wish I could suddenly force everyone out there, Christian and not, to realize that it is okay to be angry and especially to understand that it is okay to be angry with God.
Heaven seems much closer now that I know my little boy is there. He was a little boy who felt the love of our family and who experienced some pain - and then went to heaven. I finally understand why Catholics pray to dead people and I believe that little Jed is watching me from heaven.
When Jed was one day old and being transferred to the Children's hospital - I couldn't go because I hadn't been released from the hospital yet - as he was being put in the NICU portable thing that was going to be put into the ambulance - they took a polaroid of him and gave me the picture, apologizing all the while that they weren't good at taking photos. To me it was one of the most touching gifts of my life because it helped me know that these people were going to take good care of my child. Somehow it helped me to trust them.
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