Hope and healing

Tonight I write this article by the light of a small, almost yellow, beeswax candle with a pure white flame, filled with emotion as I remember the night that I was date-raped.
I see a white candle and I see the purity I lost that day. No, not the purity of virginity, but an almost deeper purity, a sense of protective naiveté that was lost, a feeling of terror, and an feeling of loss of control, as if the universe was against me.
I realize that it is too dark to see by my one almost white, beeswax candle, and so I add a red candle, which symbolizes love, and a candle in a beautiful box, which symbolizes the beauty and healing in my heart that came later.
I realize that even in the aftermath of great pain came great beauty, a re-arranged life, and a finding of a higher calling. Somehow, suddenly but yet slowly, there was healing in my heart. Life was restored, and often, but not always, my faith in fellow mankind is restored.
Now, I see again the beauty of nature. During my great time of trial and trouble, nature was merely an escape, something I knew intimately as I began to worship nature. Now I see the beauty of God's creation beckoning me outdoors to see God's hand.
Recovering from such a traumatic experience is difficult and many never see a full recovery. Part of my new, higher calling is to let people know that recovery is possible. It is no longer necessary to be mired in that black pit, but instead there is a way out, a way back to a sense of normalcy and trust in others.
Occasionally now I feel that I am tempting fate by walking right after dark in my own neighborhood, but I walk after dark because I must enjoy nature and because I am no longer bound by fear.
Nowhere is it said that this type of recovery is easy, but then again, life is both very easy and very difficult. For me, it was a relentless striving for healing and to get away from that bottom I'd hit several years later. I went through counseling with several counselors, group therapy, and seminary, and finally it came. But even then, I was still bound by what had happened. It was only when I stopped focusing on it and became a mother that I really felt free. Now I am finally at the point where my biggest fear is what other people will think when I talk about my past. I've realized, most of the time at least, that God's given me a story and an understanding of people's circumstances for a reason.
At one time, before the healing came, I said I was no longer bound by fear, but then it was a passivity, a sense of uncaring what happened to me, an almost reveling in the darkness. Now I glory in the light and in the new life that God has given me, a life much better than the one I had before I was raped.
Now, instead my negative and depressed outlook has changed completely. It is as the old Irish blessing:
May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
the rain fall soft upon your fields
And until we meet again may God hold in the palm of his hand.